5 signs it’s only a beautiful friendship and not love

Thinking of turning a friendship into a romantic relationship? Here are 5 signs that your friendship is just a friendship and should not be pursued further

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  • You have this one special friend, and you're wondering if your friendship could turn into love. We've all been there. The idea of falling in love with a friend is an enticing one. The two of you know and love one another as friends already... so why not give it a try?

  • But how can you tell if it's just friendship, or if there's something more beneath the surface? It can be nerve-wracking to suggest dating a friend. You might worry about losing the friendship if the relationship doesn't work out.

  • Here are five signs that your friendship is just that- and not a love affair waiting to happen.

  • 1. There's no physical attraction

  • When you have a close friend who would typically be someone you'd date, it's normal to wonder if the two of you might be a fit for one another. Often, friendships can thrive with a frisson of sexual attraction beneath the camaraderie.

  • When you genuinely love someone, you might try to convince yourself that you could get past the fact that you're not physically attracted to them. That's a mistake unless you want to end up breaking your friend's heart.

  • Think about it this way: what happens if you don't grow into having a physical attraction with each other? You'll be left in an intimate relationship with someone who doesn't attract you physically. If this scenario sounds familiar, stick with friendship.

  • 2. You're not ready for a commitment

  • When you're already friends, it might be too much to have a casual dating relationship. It's natural to have high expectations- and so you should have a high standard for getting involved.

  • If you're only looking for a good time, then dating your friend isn't the best way to go. And the same is true of them- if you're interested and you already love them, the last thing you want is something that feels like it isn't real.

  • Be honest about what you're looking for, and if your lack of commitment might break your friend's heart, ask yourself if it's worth the risk to try dating.

  • 3. You disagree about the big things

  • It's no big deal to disagree on where to eat or which movie to see, but it is a big deal if you two aren't on the same page when it comes to life's big questions.

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  • For example, if you want kids and he doesn't, don't make the mistake of thinking you'll be able to change his mind. You won't. And starting down that path will only lead to disappointment and resentment.

  • Likewise, if you have big differences in terms of where you want to live and what you want out of life, you need to ask yourself whether a romantic relationship between the two of you is likely to succeed. No couple agrees on everything, but you do need to be in sync about the things that will form the basis of your life together.

  • 4. You want them to change

  • The things that can be adorable and endearing in a friend can sometimes be annoying in your partner. It's normal to look at a pal and wonder if there could be something more there, but if you find yourself thinking, "He'd be perfect if only he'd..." then it's only friendship and not love.

  • Most people change only if they need to. It's not easy to break out of a habit and try something new- and if your attraction to someone is contingent upon change, you can be sure that it won't last.

  • A friendship can turn into love only if you love the person as they are. If you don't, treasure the friendship and don't try to change it.

  • 5. One of you isn't single

  • Attraction can blossom between friends even if one of them is already in a relationship. We can't control who we find attractive, but we can control what we do about it.

  • Maybe the possibility of a true love connection between the two of you exists. But if one of you is already in a committed relationship, the friendship should remain a friendship. You can revisit the possibility of a love connection when you're both single, but introducing infidelity into your friendship will only hurt both of you in the long run.

  • Friendship is beautiful

  • We all need friends. If your friendship doesn't blossom into love, it can still be a beautiful part of your life— that lasts your lifetime.

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Kitt Wakeley is a partner at Vizown, a women's treatment center in Oklahoma. He is extremely passionate and determined to help women overcome their addictions and live a clean, wholesome, happy life.

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